Four Signs that You May Not Doing Enough

Just as I have been a victim to overwhelming myself by not knowing when to say no, I have also suffered from the opposite pitfall, under-committing and saying no too often.  It is not always easy to find the right balance and there are many other indicators, but these were the top four that came to my mind. 

You Can’t Feed Your Family

While there may be other reasons for you not being able to feed your family, it could be due to inactivity.  King Solomon said that, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty” (Proverbs 14:23, ESV).  If you’re not eating then start working.  Money doesn’t buy food, work does. 

Avoiding Common Work

Most self-made people who are successful have started at the bottom and done what I call the common work.  They have cleaned the toilets, filed paperwork, or dusted the office.  If you find yourself pawning off all the little jobs, then you may be guilty of not doing enough. 

No Progress

People who are not doing enough do not make progress in life.  They are not people of action.  They aren’t getting pay increases, good grades, or acknowledgements.  These should not be the sole motivators but they can be a good measuring stick of your activity level. 

People Are Talking

On the other hand, you could be getting a lot of acknowledgement—just in a bad way.  If people are talking about your work ethic, or you are getting snippy answers that you sense an underlying meaning to, then you may not be doing enough. 

While not totally unrelated but slightly off topic, the Bible is very clear about what happens to people who are not diligent.  People who are greedy, lazy, idle, dreamers, or sleep-lovers, will suddenly and unexpectedly be poor, poorly dressed, hungry, and they will not sleep well (Proverbs 6:9-11; 10:4-5; 14:23; 23:21; Ecclesiastes 5:10-12).

I can’t say that these are surefire ways to tell if you should increase your workload, but I can say they are possible indicators.  Chances are that if you think you need to step it up a notch or two, then it wouldn’t hurt to do so.  By the way, if you want to Break your Nature, then you will have to become a person of action.  Talk is cheap. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Three Principles to Help You Make Better Decisions

I can remember being in a church study session one time, and the discussion was about serving in the church.  The statement was made to an overcommitted person, “Actually, maybe God is asking someone else to step up and fill the position.” 

In my church organization, we have nominating committees every one or two years depending on the church.  My personal pet peeve is individuals who get nominations for five or six positions, which I fully support as this allows them to choose, but often the people would accept all of the positions with no balk from the other committee members. 

What usually follows next are resignation letters six months down the road, or positions that simply have a name attached to them with no action.  As a matter of fact, I was one of those over committed people.  I would feel overwhelmed with all of the positions and not do any of them well.

I hope to help you prevent becoming over-committed with three practical guidelines.  These principles are from a sermon by Mark Finley.  I wish I could share the entire thing with you here, but I will only select a few principles.  Please feel free to contact me for the sermon link and notes I took.

Know the Difference between Impulse and Impression

I found this enlightening.  Impulse is flighty and must act now, whereas impressions will constantly grow and cannot be shaken.  The caveat here though is that not all impressions are guided by biblical principles.  That’s the reason it is imperative to weigh your decisions in light of the Bible. 

Seek Counselors

This too has saved me…at least when I took heed to the advice given.  The counselors should be mature Christian’s that are not trying to make the decision for you.  Additionally, you need to guard against seeking counselors who are only going to tell you what you want to hear. 

Guard Against Impulsiveness

The number one way to guard against impulsiveness is to never make decisions in the presence of the one who wants you to make the decision.  I cannot tell you how often this has helped me to work within my calling, and not fall prey to the pressures of other people’s emergencies.  On the flip side of this coin though, you will never know if it is your will or God’s will until you are willing to give up the thing you most cherish.

What does all of this have to do with Breaking your Nature?  Well, if you are overwhelmed, over-worked, or just plain empty, then you need to make a change in how you are making decisions for what you will spend your time doing.  Next week’s post will bring some balance to the subject of being over-committed.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

The Mystery of 613 Commitments

If you are familiar with Jewish culture, then you may not be mystified.  If you are mystified that's okay.  The Jews had a list of laws in addition to the Bible.  There were 613 laws, or what I like to call “commitments.”  These commitments were a burden.  If you ask me, life can get cluttered pretty quickly, especially when you are trying to make lifestyle changes.

If you remember, I spoke in my blog post about my core values, and I mentioned that part of being simple for me was about de-cluttering. 

I de-cluttered my belongings, time thieves, and spiritual commitments.  This helped me to free my mind for change.  Let’s look at each one of these areas. 

My Belongings

There is one thing that my dad often said, and it has stuck with me over the years.  He would say, “The more you make, the more it takes.”  We were talking about money, but in reality the principle applies to anything.  For instance, the more stuff you collect, the more it takes to keep it all organized or running.  My wife and I have moved quite a bit over the past few years, and we always purge.

It is a little sad but so freeing!  I have learned not to toss everything though, as there are some “commitments” worth keeping.

Time Thieves

One of the best things that my wife and I ever did was dump our television and video games.  They steal so much time.  I find that being productive is much more relaxing and rewarding versus the alternative.  Don’t get me wrong, there can be some beneficial things on television, but the majority is time wasting. 

Another way I de-clutter time thieves is by limiting how often I visit Facebook and email.  A click and scroll here stifles productivity and before you know it, you’re sucked in to idleness.

Spiritual Commitments

Not all commitments are bad.  Like I said, some are worth keeping around.  On the other hand this one can be a special trap.  From church positions, church functions, study groups, and the list goes on, life can get cluttered here.  Not to mention if you are trying to keep track of all the changes you need to make personally. 

At one time I was in three or four major positions at church, giving Bible studies, and in church every time the doors were open.  I was not performing at any of my positions with excellence, and my family life was suffering.  Something had to go.  I have learned some neat ways to prevent over-cluttering, and I will share those in my next blog post. 

The problem in lifestyle change is that you can become so cluttered with stuff, events, and positions that you are totally unable to put forth the energy required to succeed.  I would like to encourage you to simplify your life and consider the areas where you could de-clutter.  Then focus in on a few things and do them with excellence.  Also, a good dose of serving others is very energizing and revealing.  After you have incorporated those into your life, then move forward with the next attempt to Break your Nature. 

By the way, feel free to share some areas that you de-clutter, or areas that you need to de-clutter?

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

The Secret of How to Fight--and Win Every Time!

Almost ten years ago I discovered the secret to winning at conflict.  I have been practicing this for some time now, and every time I use it I win!  The problem is that I don’t always use it.  Keep reading.   

There is a wrong way and a right way to fight.  I like to focus on the right way, because I have learned that what we focus on is what we act out.  Every winner of conflict has eight characteristics. 

First off, they have Pure Motives.  They desire to see a biblical solution to the problem.  This person is generous and other’s focused.  Their inward thoughts are neutral. 

This shows their willingness to Seek Peace.  Their desire is not to win, but to look for common ground yet without compromise.  As a matter of fact, they will not compromise principle, but willingly yield if they are the offender. 

Even if they happen to be right, they remain Soft-spoken.  This does not mean they fail to talk above a whisper or make eye contact.  Quite the contrary.  They are confident yet unassuming.  Their countenance bears the marks of quiet wisdom.  In humble dignity they stand. 

This makes them Approachable.  The atmosphere is palpable and emboldens the contrary party to speak their peace.  In tenderness each heart is prepared to admit their fault.

If the successful fighter is the offended party, they are Quick to Forgive.  It is not in them to hold a grudge.  In unwavering faithfulness and personal consideration, they issue the pardon when repentance is evidenced.  The wrong is forgotten to never be spoken of again.

Their abundant mercy is confirmation of their Character.  They possess love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control.  Everyone who comes into contact with them leaves to tell of their uncanny experience.

They are Unbiased.  Impartially they listen to the other person’s plight first.  It is unthinkable for them to be bribed or settle and surrender their integrity. 

With Sincerity they genuinely desire a resolution that does not breech the unspoken laws of righteousness.  Even if they have much to lose, they will not be hindered in their course to follow through in the work of restoration. 

Wow.  What a person.  It reminds me of Jesus.  As a matter of fact, it was His brother James that penned these principles.  I imagine that there were many times growing up with the Savior, that he witnessed this in action.  James is probably the most fortunate of all the Bible writers.  It seems as though He would have been able to spend much more time with Jesus.  A copy of these principles can be found in James 3:17. 

So what does this mean for lasting lifestyle change?

Here it is.  If you are stressed, depressed, or just plain discouraged, maybe it is because you are not lining up with these principles of conflict.  A clear mind and a happy heart is the most capable of making change.  I suggest you Break your Nature and change the way you fight.  Fight to win even it means losing—every time!

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

A Personal Post: 3 Things that are Important to Me

Before we go any further, I want to be up front.  While these are three of my core values, I don’t always incorporate them into my life.  For example…well I’ll just save the explanations for below. 

Balance

Balance has become more important for me over the past two or three years.  I have learned to compensate in this area by asking my wife for advice, and putting solid mentors around me who are older and well…balanced. 

I’ll give you an example of what I mean by balanced.

Sometimes people can let school, work, or even church (all good things) come before their family.  For some people all four are necessary.  The struggle is to find the sweet spot where all areas are met with excellence and at the right time. 

Recently, while trying to juggle all of these areas, I developed a mantra that helped me to keep things in perspective.  It was, People before projects.  Again, this is not an easy, but the reality of it is this, people are more important than the things we do. 

Simplicity

Simplicity is something that I came across my senior year in high school.  I have always been somewhat of an idealist.  I remember reading about Henry David Thoreau and thinking, “That’s it!  I’ll runaway to my own Walden!”  While this is still a great idea, I found that I would only be living with a new set of problems.

The principle was right, but the practice was wrong.  I wanted a more simple life devoid of all the stimulation, evil, and conflict.  The funny thing is that now I have a deep appreciation for conflict.  More on that in the next blog post. 

Back to simplicity. It has been my experience that de-cluttering is cardinal.  I de-clutter my belongings, time thieves, and spiritual commitments.  This helps me to free my mind for change.

Consistency

Consistency is closely related to balance.  Let me explain.  Have you ever tried to balance on your weak leg?  Finding the sweet spot was balance, but how long you were able to hold that was consistency. 

The great thing is this.  If you practice balancing on your weak leg a lot, then the amount of time you can hold that position becomes greater.  The point is that in striving for balance your consistency will typically increase. 

Now that you know a little about me, I would like to hear what values are important to you.  Please comment in the boxes below. 

Wrapping it Up

How does this relate to lasting lifestyle change?  Simple.  People who compromise their values are miserable.  Sometimes, this misery drives people to change.  I encourage you to identify your values, set goals and make a plan to achieve them.  If you need help, that is what I am here for.  Use my contact info below and we will see if Life Coaching is a good fit for you.  Break your Nature!

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

3 Lessons from Flying in an Airplane

My family and I are taking a vacation this week.  We are traveling from the West Coast back home to the East Coast.  I thought I would interrupt my writing schedule with some fresh insights about life that I learned while flying with Southwest Airlines. 

Lesson Number One

Every time I get on an airplane I cannot help but mentally prepare for the worst.  I imagine what I would do if the plane was hijacked.  I take my military training and run through different scenarios.  I could go into details here but I will spare you.  Also, as we taxi down the runway and I watch the wings bounce, I cannot help but imagine them as very brittle and under a lot of stress.  What would it look like if one just fell off in flight?  I am calm, but I often sense the fragility of life.  That’s just it.  Lesson number one is that life is fragile. 

Lesson Number Two

As we were flying, we experienced some turbulent air.  It was not too bad, just a little bumpy.  This reminds me of life.  Sometime the wind gets taken out from under your wings or it kicks up a notch or two and causes some vibrations.  This can be a scary experience.  If you brace yourself and ride through it, the wind will settle.  This is lesson number two.  Life gets bumpy for everybody, just ride it out and reach your destination.

Lesson Number Three

Nobody wants this but if you fly enough, you will experience a delayed flight.  We were delayed in Chicago, Illinois for about an hour.  This is not a big deal for me, but for some people it is.  Sometimes the plane needs some work done on it.  To me it is better to wait around than to get on a plan that will crash.  People who become frantic have been trained by our have it now society.  We as a culture do not know how to wait anymore.  Here is the lesson—expect delays in life and make the best use of your down time.

The Bottom Line

If you put it all together, you get something like this.  Life is fragile and it gets bumpy.  Ride out the bumps to your destination and expect delays.  When you do get delayed, make the best use of your down time.  It takes time to get from where you are to where you want to be.  Take a flight and Break your Nature.

How to Offer Accountability Without the Pain

One thing that I learned in my Life Coach training at Life Breakthrough Academy, is that it is better to ask for permission than for forgiveness.  This is true, and especially so when you aim to hold others accountable.  There is one caveat though.

My Experience at Job Corps

As a Residential Advisor at Job Corps, I learned that a contract is only as binding as the heart of the individual who signed it.  They may sign the contract, but if they cannot read, do not understand it, or have no intentions of abiding by the agreement, then any effort on the part of the enforcer will be useless. 

If one desires true obedience, the hearts must be bound together. 

Any obedience that lacks the element of the heart is only temporary.

My Personal Struggle

Under the tutelage of my lovely mother, I learned to be bluntly honest.  My mom does not mince her words, and she always took pride in speaking the truth.  Along with this, I inherited by genetics and training my father’s lack of emotion.  I find it difficult to empathize as much as I would like to.  If you combine these two character traits, I can sometimes seem harsh and cold. 

I pray for God to morph these two character traits and use them for his glory.  In the right way, my honesty can be used to provide guidance.  Also, my lack of emotion can deescalate a situation and maintain peace in conflict.  John Ives, a friend of quite some time back, made a statement about tact that I will never forget.  He said, “You need to give the shot of medicine, and make it as painless as possible.”  In other words, people need to be rebuked and hear the truth at times, but it needs to be with discretion and as painless as possible.  This does not mean that it won’t hurt.

One way to reduce pain is to ask for permission to administer the shot.   

So in holding others accountable, it is important to receive their permission to offer the rebuke. 

The Bottom Line

In perspective, accountability is not as painful as anticipated.  The lack of clear guidance is more painful in the long run.  Although, it definitely helps when you are the enforcer, to have the hearts of your partners and ask their permission to hold them accountable. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Are You Stuck: A Lesson from the Winged Frog

I think some of the greatest questions start with the words, “What if…”  Think about it.  The words following this phrase have endless possibilities!  I know what the pessimists may be saying, “Yeah, ‘What if a frog had wings?  He wouldn’t bump his bottom when he hopped.’”  This may be true, but I want to show you a liberating question that works nine times out of ten in helping create options.

I don’t know.

When I was in my Life Coach training at Life Breakthrough Academy with Daryl Daughtry, he shared this trick of the trade with me.  Every coach will run into the coachee who responds to the question, “What is your action step for this,” with, “I don’t know.”  He stated that in his 10+ years of Life Coaching, he has never had a client stick with “I don’t know” after asking this question. 

What if you did?

Here it is.  “What if you did know?”  Better yet, “What if someone like you was asking you this question, what would you tell them to do?”  Sometimes the client will say, “Well that is what I am paying you for.”  Here they are sadly mistaken.

The Core of Coaching

This is one of the challenges that Life Coaches experience sometimes.  The coachee expects the coach to provide advice.  Advice is the work of counselors, mentors, or consultants, but rarely is this the role of a Life Coach.  At the core of what Life Coaching is, stands the ideal that the Coachee is responsible for their success and failure, not the coach. 

The Paradigm Shift

On the other hand, this stalemate accountability has the potential to free the coachee from their fences.  This moment is much like the times when you can see another person’s flaws, but have difficulty seeing your own.  When your need to take action becomes somebody else’s, you can instantly see where to go next.  It is a strange way to shift paradigms, but it works. 

The Bottom Line

When you are stuck, and don’t know what your next step is, it can many times help to shift your problem to someone else just like you.  If you “act” like you are telling someone else to do what you could do, it is freeing.  There is one step missing to the empowering part of this experiment, but while I have you here, “What if you were someone who knew what they wanted to Break in their Nature, what would you do?”

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Are You Narrow Minded?

Being narrow minded is not always bad.  It is a common practice actually.  On the other hand, habitually being narrow-minded limits a person’s view.  This plays a key role in adopting lifestyle change.  Let’s take a look. 

They are Vision Challenged

Narrow minded people do not usually challenge themselves.  They prefer to stay in the routine and short term.  As a coach, asking questions that challenge the coachee to think outside of the box can be a means to expand their awareness of the big picture.  For example, the coachee may have a small vision and the coach may say, “That dream seems really small and controllable; where would you like to be in five years with your God-sized dream?”

They are Self-Absorbed

Another flaw of extreme narrow-minded people is that they tend to think only of themselves.  They need reminders and questions that will cause them to think about how their lifestyle choices will affect other people.  A coach might ask, “How is this decision going to affect others around you?”

They are Spiritually Blind

Another temptation to the narrow-minded is to forget that there is a divine outlook.  Their mind is easily saturated with their own opinion that they fail to consult God about their choices.  “What is God’s perspective on this,” would be a great question to open their mind to other options. 

They are One Picture Minded

Are you familiar with those small pictures on your computer screen called thumbnails?  They are really useful when you are searching for a certain group of pictures in a large folder that contains photos from many days, weeks, or years.  Narrow minded people can tend to select one picture at a time in large scale and fail to miss the broader perspective.  A great way to redirect the coachee here is to ask, “Where does this rank in the big picture?” 

They take Baby-steps

When things get uncomfortable for the narrow minded person, they want to take small steps.  This is sort of related to how they do not challenge themselves, but it is more specific in that they are expressing resistance to the change.  Baby steps are good, but not when they could be doing more. 

So are you narrow minded?  I know that I have some of these tendencies myself in certain areas of my life.  A life coach can serve to reduce these blinds spots and work through the challenges associated with narrow mindedness.  Ultimately, I hope that you will evaluate yourself in this area, and take a look at the big picture when attempting to Break your Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

What Makes Life So Unfair?

Do bad things always happen to you?  Are you mistreated by everyone?  How come some people seem to always have good things happen to them?  If you want to change lot in life, then read this blog through until the end.  It might hurt, but what I am saying is true. 

The answer to your dilemma is to reframe.  Reframing is about perspective.  You can take the same picture, and highlight different aspects with a new border.  It works the same way in our heads.  If you are stuck and focused on the negative things, then you will have a less than desirable experience. 

The opposite is also true.  If you choose to think about positive things, then you will more than likely have a good experience.  Have you ever heard the old saying, “Life is what you make it.”  Or how about, “If life gives you lemons make lemonade.” 

Experience of a Friend

I recently went on a camping trip with with a large group, and my friend Mike Bernard was there.  One morning everyone found their own area and had a quiet time with God in nature.  Some of us did different things.  Mike tried to read, but quickly found himself observing nature. 

He related the story like this.  “I was sitting down and taking in the scene.  I asked God to speak to me through his second book of revelation (nature).  I started noticing the dead leaves and sticks on the path ahead of me.  As I followed the path with my eyes, I saw a stump in the middle of the path and like many parents would have, I thought, ‘Someone could trip over that and get hurt.’  Next I noticed the gnats flying around my head and agitating me.”

He continued, “Then it dawned on me, I was missing the beauty of it all.  I began to pay attention to the calm lake at the end of the path, the light shining through the leaves, and listen to the birds sing sweetly in the trees.  Then God reminded me, ‘Life is like this path.  Your experience will be what you choose to focus on.’”

The Bottom Line

Guess what.  Everybody has bad things happen to them.  Do not believe the lie that life should be fair for everybody because it isn’t.

If you want to change your life, you need to change your perspective.  I challenge you to reframe your view.  If you happen to be having a bad run and find yourself wallowing in pity—stop.  Take a moment and look for the good that can be seen in your experience.  If you cannot think of a good thing, ask a close friend or family member to help.  You have to choose to see things differently.  Break your Nature of viewing nature in a negative light, so that you can change your outlook on life. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer. To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Four Lessons About Questions from Satan and God

Questions are powerful.  To illustrate this point, let’s take a look at the Christian Bible.  We will be examining Genesis chapter three where it talks about Adam and Eve deciding to disobey God.  There are a series of five questions, one by a Satan possessed serpent and four from God.

Satan’s Question

The serpent asked Eve, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’” (Genesis 3:1)?  This begins their conversation as recorded, but it seems as though we are picking up the discussion in the middle.  Never the less, Eve is set up for the insertion of doubt.  The subtle serpent follows up his question by calling God a liar.  The serpent’s agenda took over and affected Eve’s choice for negative and lasting lifestyle change.

God’s Questions

Question number one from God to Adam was, “Where are you” (Genesis 3:9)?  Here God is trying to ascertain where Adam is located.  Life Coaches do this in a similar fashion.  They want to know where the client is in their goal to change.

Question number two from God to Adam was, “Who told you that you were naked” (Genesis 3:11)?  So God has heard Adam tell Him where he is, and they both discovered that Adam is naked.  The next logical question is, “How did you become naked?”  The thing is that God already knows the answer.  One purpose of the question is to allow Adam to gain his own insight into evaluating his current predicament. 

Question number three from God to Adam was, “Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat” (Genesis 3:11)?  This a closed question, but Adam does not respond with a simple no or yes.  Although it was his choice, Adam blames God and Eve for his decision, and describes what brought him to his nakedness. 

Question number four from God to Eve was, “What is this that you have done” (Genesis 3:13)?  In marriage coaching fashion, God speaks to the other spouse with what I call a statement question.  Everybody involved knows the answer and the responsible parties have already experienced the consequences.  The benefit here is that it provides accountability by leaving responsiblity with the client. 

The Bottom Line

Questions are powerful and possess the potential for negative and positive lifestyle change.  Questions lead to discussion that sets an agenda, evaluates current position, gives insight, and provides accountability.  Change is not always easy or full of sunshine.  You have to make a choice.  Change or not, it costs. 

All Bible quotes are taken from the English Standard Version (ESV).

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

How to Become a Better Listener

Can You Hear Me Now?  While this cute and furry creature has big ears, their size does not make them a good listener.  Listening is less about your ability to hear sounds, and more about being involved.  Quite frankly, it is something that I am still honing. 

Listening is a total body and environmental experience.  There is great power in this process that has become more difficult because there is so much more stimuli.  Don’t get me wrong, every generation has had its distractions, but I am not sure they were as numerous as they are now.  So let’s take a look at ways to become better listeners.

Total Body

The best listeners use as many of their senses as possible.  I used my sense of smell to know what was causing my son to cry when he was unable to talk.  Did he need a diaper change?  I use my sense of hearing to pick up not only on words, but also on tone, pitch, or stability.  These can clue in on the emotions that are attached to the words.  Touch can also tell what emotions the person is feeling.  Are their hands sweaty or cold?  Are they tense or relaxed?  Watching their body language with my eyes can also be an indicator of what the person is trying to communicate. 

The great thing is that many of these we pick up without cognitively registering them.  On the flip side of the coin, we often do not pay enough attention to the correct stimulus.  This is where the environment can come into play. 

Environment

The environment that is being communicated in plays a large role in the listening process.  The conversation that takes place in our head is the result of distractions.  Distractions are almost always there, but we have to learn to minimize them, and practice mental self-control.

Consider the accessibility we now possess through phones and computers.  Have you ever been talking with someone while texting someone else?  Are you really giving that person an honest ear?  What about a Skype conversation while you have been checking your email at the same time?  Who has your attention? 

Here is another example.  Think about how sometimes someone will be talking and you zone in on one word.  The next thing you know, your mind is in a totally different place with no hope of recalling the rest of what they said. 

Conclusion

Listening is about being fully there.  Great listeners can be present in the moment without allowing other things to interrupt.  It takes great discipline and requires empathy.  Great listeners can change the outcome of conversation.  The bottom line—open your senses, control your environment, Break your deaf Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Two Lessons from Amazing Ants—DON’T FORGET TO WATCH THE VIDEO!

Are you burdened with a heavy load of change that you believe is impossible?  Maybe you want to overcome an addiction or lose some weight.  If this is the case, I would like you to consider one insect—the ant.  The ant can teach us two lessons that I would like us to consider in light of adopting lasting lifestyle change. 

Diligence

First, let’s define diligence.  Dictionary.com says that diligence is the constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken.  I must confess that although I am writing this blog, I too could implement this more into my life.  But let’s take a closer look at an ant’s diligence. 

Ants take A LOT of short breaks.  On average, worker ants nap about 250 times per day, but the naps last just over one minute.  This equates to about four and half hours of sleep per day.  I think that when adopting lifestyle change this could help prevent burn out.  In other words, don’t stress out over the minutes you take a break, but make sure you keep the goal in front of you so you do not linger into laziness.  Another point worth mentioning here for the extremists—you need more than four hours of sleep.  Make sure you get your seven and half to nine hours of sleep if possible. 

Interdependence

Interdependence is a fancy word for having balanced relationships.  You are not dependent in the sense that you cannot function as an individual, but you are also not the lone ranger who claims sole independence.  You recognize that you need others, but you also do your part as an individual. 

The cool thing about ants here is that they move an estimated 50 tons of soil per year in one square mile.  Do you think that one ant could do that alone?  Nope.  They need help—and lots of it.  In the same way, when you want to make a move in life, you need to get some help.  Do not be afraid to reach out to those who will support you in your change.  Make this circle as big as possible.  Just like the ant though, you still have to do your own lifting. 

The Bottom Line

Ants are great testimonies to the power of what can be accomplished when you are diligent and interdependent.  Take some time right now for 10 or 15 minutes and evaluate your commitment to change in these areas.  Are your breaks too long?  What will you do to help shorten those breaks?  Do you have a circle of support to help you change?  If not, write those names down and decide what you will talk to them about today.  What do you need from them?  Dig like an ant and Break your Nature.  Watch this video to see what one colony of ants accomplished!  Amazing! 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

How to Enjoy Change--the Successes and Failures

Contentment is a key to enjoying the lifestyle changes you are making.  I want you be okay, and even rejoice in change—the successes and failures.  It is easy to be content in the good times, but much more difficult for most people in the bad times.  Before we move along though, I want to talk about what contentment is and is not.

Contentment and Complacency
A good picture of this is found in the letter from Paul to the Philippians.  In the close of the letter, he tells the Philippians that he has “learned in whatever situation [he is in] to be content” (Philippians 4:11b, ESV).  To counterbalance the laid back, laissez faire, complacent individuals (I myself was one), I want to point out something else in the same letter.  In chapter three verses twelve thru fourteen, Paul uses the phrases “press on to make it my own,” and “press on toward the goal” (ESV).

My point here is that contentment includes progress toward a goal, while also being okay with the circumstances you have been given. 

The Secret to Contentment

The other noteworthy statement from Paul is his statement about the secret to contentment.  He says, “I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12b-13, ESV).  So the secret is strength from Christ, but how does that happen?  I believe it is a mindset that is given from God.

For one to be content, they must see that whether it is suffering or ease, pain or pleasure—that they all come from the hand of God (Romans 8:28).  Let me explain.

You may be thinking, “Suffering from God?  What kind of loving God would do that?”  This all depends on how you view love.  Love is a full word.  For example, I am affectionate with my son and this is an expression of my love for him.  On the other hand, I also discipline him when necessary.  I am sure that he would call the affection pleasure and the discipline pain.  Both of these come from a loving father that desires his best.

I can remember when my dad would discipline me—I did not see it as love then.  As a matter of fact, I can remember saying that I would never do that to my kids.  Although I did not understand then, with the passing of time and the turning of tables, I now see why my dad allowed suffering to enter my life.  It is the same with God.  We may not know why he allowed one of our children to die at a young age, or even why someone gets cancer, but in the end things often become clearer. 

The End of the Matter

So here’s the bottom line.  A person who is content has received it as a gift from God, has the understanding that all life circumstances come from a loving Heavenly Father, and is moving forward in progress.  I can imagine that Paul often meditated on the life of Christ, especially the last week, and often felt that his suffering paled in comparison.  I encourage you to be content, enjoy the change, and Break your Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

8 Secrets of Transformational Thinking

Nathan and Nancy Negative are some of the most miserable people on planet earth.  Their problem?  You got it—they are negative.  They complain about everything, never make mistakes themselves, and always have something to say about what someone else is doing. If you happen to be related to the couple above, you probably won’t even recognize it.  You are actually probably thinking of someone else who is negative.  That is part of the problem…most negative people don’t even realize they are that way. 

So, let’s just assume you realize that you are a negative person, and are wondering what you can do to change this.  Below are eight acceptable thoughts that can help.  Think on these things.

True

I know what you are thinking.  “I’ve got this one down pat!”  Not so fast.  What is meant by true, is thinking on reality.  In other words, think about what has actually happened and not what could happen; especially dwelling on the worst case scenario. 

Honorable

Some people may have visions of chivalry here, and it is actually not that far off.  This type of thought life can be described by meditating on noble character and moral uprightness. 

Just

To be just is to be fair and equitable.  This would include not being partial or biased, and avoiding stereotypes.  In other words, don’t assume the worst of a person, but approach it with a neutral mindset.

Pure

The words reserved and clean could come to mind here.  I will translate for you though:  do not hold on to anger, lust, lying, stealing, rebellion, etc.  Kick those thoughts out and replace them with love, honesty, and submission. 

Lovely

When I think of lovely I think of something that is pleasing.  In a not so normal sense, thinking on lovely thoughts is actually about musing over how you can befriend or please someone else. 

Commendable

For a thought to be commendable, it is based on what others would like to hear.  I can’t speak for you, but it makes me happy to hear about the good things that happen to people. 

Excellence

Men can appreciate this word, as excellence is a reference to manliness and valor.  Words like courage, bravery, and boldness are closely associated with excellence.  Women are not excluded here; I am just giving the definition of the transliterated Greek.  It should also be kept in mind that brazen disrespect is not included here. 

Praiseworthy

This really is the bottom line here when we talk about relationships; if you do not have anything nice to think, then don’t think it.  Try to find the best in others and share with them how God has blessed you through knowing them.

Boom.  That’s it!  Your brain controls the rest of your body including your emotions and behavior.  Change the way you think and change your life.  Break your thinking patterns and break your nature. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Introduction to the V.I.P. of Change

We have spent some time talking about the science and process of change, but today I want to share with you the person of change.  His name is the Holy Spirit.  I would be amiss if I gave you all the other information and then did not share with you this truth.  What follows is not a detailed discussion, but they are a few things I have picked up along the way.

The Ultimate Change

As a human, the most rewarding and greatest change that can happen is to transition from the Kingdom of Darkness to the Kingdom of Light.  This is an eternal change in position.  This change is accomplished by God the Father activating the ministry of the Holy Spirit in the lives of you and me.  This change is not initiated by humans, but by God.  It occurs when an individual understands that they cannot make payment for or make right all of the wrongs things they have done.  The good news is this; a man named Jesus walked this earth, and he was the son of God in heaven.  He made the payment by dying for our failings and reconciled us to God.  Greater still is the fact that He not only died, but He was brought back to life and now lives in heaven.  In heaven, He is continually praying to God the Father on your and my behalf.  As you and I humbly ask God to forgive us of our wrong thoughts and actions, He promises to erase the record book of evil and give us the power to overcome.  This is the ultimate change!

Baptism

Just as with any other great event or success in a person’s life, they usually want to tell everyone about the good thing that has happened to them.  A solemn but joyful celebration takes place in the Christian’s life.  Christian’s call this baptism.  Baptism is a time of recounting the events that lead to a person’s great change.  It is a time that they publicly express their decision to forsake the ways of Satan and unite with God.  While this is a serious event, it is followed by a joyful gathering of friends and church family to celebrate their decision. 

Abiding

The part that most applies to what we have been speaking of in the past couple of months happens here.  All positive change is directed by the Holy Spirit.  This cannot happen apart from daily choosing to seek God’s desire for our life.  We do this by talking to Him (prayer), listening to Him (Bible study), and doing things together (serving others).  I hope you have personally made a decision for ultimate change, baptism, and abiding with God.  If you have questions, please feel free to contact me through my website on the Contact page.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Overcomer's Do These 3 Things

After all of the hard work, your moment of victory is just within reach.  You can grab it!  It’s up to you.  The closer you get, the more you can tangibly feel what it will be like.  When you grab it, there is a personal joy and sense of satisfaction that cannot be explained—you have to experience it.  This moment is what Breaking Natures is all about!  Victory!  Success!  Overcoming!  Whatever word describes your personal goal is what you insert here.

Reaching the goal is not the end though.  Sure, a celebration, a pause, and taking time to reflect on your accomplishment are all in order.  But the journey does not end.  You extend the vision, set the next goal, and keep climbing. 

Celebration

People celebrate victory in different ways.  My suggestion is to make it personal and have people close by that mean a lot to you and have supported your goal.  When I graduated from High School, it didn’t mean much to me because I did not apply myself.  It was just another day like the rest.  Thirteen years later, I will graduate with a Bachelor’s degree, and it is a totally different experience.  I look forward to commencement much more this time around.  I have put in a lot of prayer, late nights, and hard work to get where I am.  I often think about what it will be like.  Who will come and share this moment with me?  It actually helps drive me to the finish line.  Emotion begins to swirl in my chest and well up to my cheeks as I think about what God has allowed me to accomplish.  This journey has been a character issue for me.

Extend the Vision

This is a time of refocusing and looking ahead.  You may have been doing this already and that’s great.  In reality though, great visions are usually pretty big and it will possibly take you a life time to achieve.  You should be revisiting your vision daily and at least weekly, but taking the time to revisit your vision now will definitely allow you to see if adjustments are necessary.  Once you have the right vision it will probably not change very often.

Next Goal

You have to keep climbing the mountain of life!  If you camp out on this ledge, you are likely to climb back down.  Life is an endless mountain in one sense and the journey is tough, but when you reach the summit of your climb you will be able to look back with satisfaction and thankfulness to God.  So you have to set your next goal that is going to take you closer to your vision.  Crazy successful people usually do not come up on a point when they realize they have reached their last goal—they are thinking way ahead. 

The bottom line is that after you have embraced change, keep reaching!  Keep climbing!  Stop to enjoy the scenery, but move on.  Break your Nature and be an Overcomer.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey