How to Offer Accountability Without the Pain

One thing that I learned in my Life Coach training at Life Breakthrough Academy, is that it is better to ask for permission than for forgiveness.  This is true, and especially so when you aim to hold others accountable.  There is one caveat though.

My Experience at Job Corps

As a Residential Advisor at Job Corps, I learned that a contract is only as binding as the heart of the individual who signed it.  They may sign the contract, but if they cannot read, do not understand it, or have no intentions of abiding by the agreement, then any effort on the part of the enforcer will be useless. 

If one desires true obedience, the hearts must be bound together. 

Any obedience that lacks the element of the heart is only temporary.

My Personal Struggle

Under the tutelage of my lovely mother, I learned to be bluntly honest.  My mom does not mince her words, and she always took pride in speaking the truth.  Along with this, I inherited by genetics and training my father’s lack of emotion.  I find it difficult to empathize as much as I would like to.  If you combine these two character traits, I can sometimes seem harsh and cold. 

I pray for God to morph these two character traits and use them for his glory.  In the right way, my honesty can be used to provide guidance.  Also, my lack of emotion can deescalate a situation and maintain peace in conflict.  John Ives, a friend of quite some time back, made a statement about tact that I will never forget.  He said, “You need to give the shot of medicine, and make it as painless as possible.”  In other words, people need to be rebuked and hear the truth at times, but it needs to be with discretion and as painless as possible.  This does not mean that it won’t hurt.

One way to reduce pain is to ask for permission to administer the shot.   

So in holding others accountable, it is important to receive their permission to offer the rebuke. 

The Bottom Line

In perspective, accountability is not as painful as anticipated.  The lack of clear guidance is more painful in the long run.  Although, it definitely helps when you are the enforcer, to have the hearts of your partners and ask their permission to hold them accountable. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey