Are You Stuck: A Lesson from the Winged Frog

I think some of the greatest questions start with the words, “What if…”  Think about it.  The words following this phrase have endless possibilities!  I know what the pessimists may be saying, “Yeah, ‘What if a frog had wings?  He wouldn’t bump his bottom when he hopped.’”  This may be true, but I want to show you a liberating question that works nine times out of ten in helping create options.

I don’t know.

When I was in my Life Coach training at Life Breakthrough Academy with Daryl Daughtry, he shared this trick of the trade with me.  Every coach will run into the coachee who responds to the question, “What is your action step for this,” with, “I don’t know.”  He stated that in his 10+ years of Life Coaching, he has never had a client stick with “I don’t know” after asking this question. 

What if you did?

Here it is.  “What if you did know?”  Better yet, “What if someone like you was asking you this question, what would you tell them to do?”  Sometimes the client will say, “Well that is what I am paying you for.”  Here they are sadly mistaken.

The Core of Coaching

This is one of the challenges that Life Coaches experience sometimes.  The coachee expects the coach to provide advice.  Advice is the work of counselors, mentors, or consultants, but rarely is this the role of a Life Coach.  At the core of what Life Coaching is, stands the ideal that the Coachee is responsible for their success and failure, not the coach. 

The Paradigm Shift

On the other hand, this stalemate accountability has the potential to free the coachee from their fences.  This moment is much like the times when you can see another person’s flaws, but have difficulty seeing your own.  When your need to take action becomes somebody else’s, you can instantly see where to go next.  It is a strange way to shift paradigms, but it works. 

The Bottom Line

When you are stuck, and don’t know what your next step is, it can many times help to shift your problem to someone else just like you.  If you “act” like you are telling someone else to do what you could do, it is freeing.  There is one step missing to the empowering part of this experiment, but while I have you here, “What if you were someone who knew what they wanted to Break in their Nature, what would you do?”

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Are You Narrow Minded?

Being narrow minded is not always bad.  It is a common practice actually.  On the other hand, habitually being narrow-minded limits a person’s view.  This plays a key role in adopting lifestyle change.  Let’s take a look. 

They are Vision Challenged

Narrow minded people do not usually challenge themselves.  They prefer to stay in the routine and short term.  As a coach, asking questions that challenge the coachee to think outside of the box can be a means to expand their awareness of the big picture.  For example, the coachee may have a small vision and the coach may say, “That dream seems really small and controllable; where would you like to be in five years with your God-sized dream?”

They are Self-Absorbed

Another flaw of extreme narrow-minded people is that they tend to think only of themselves.  They need reminders and questions that will cause them to think about how their lifestyle choices will affect other people.  A coach might ask, “How is this decision going to affect others around you?”

They are Spiritually Blind

Another temptation to the narrow-minded is to forget that there is a divine outlook.  Their mind is easily saturated with their own opinion that they fail to consult God about their choices.  “What is God’s perspective on this,” would be a great question to open their mind to other options. 

They are One Picture Minded

Are you familiar with those small pictures on your computer screen called thumbnails?  They are really useful when you are searching for a certain group of pictures in a large folder that contains photos from many days, weeks, or years.  Narrow minded people can tend to select one picture at a time in large scale and fail to miss the broader perspective.  A great way to redirect the coachee here is to ask, “Where does this rank in the big picture?” 

They take Baby-steps

When things get uncomfortable for the narrow minded person, they want to take small steps.  This is sort of related to how they do not challenge themselves, but it is more specific in that they are expressing resistance to the change.  Baby steps are good, but not when they could be doing more. 

So are you narrow minded?  I know that I have some of these tendencies myself in certain areas of my life.  A life coach can serve to reduce these blinds spots and work through the challenges associated with narrow mindedness.  Ultimately, I hope that you will evaluate yourself in this area, and take a look at the big picture when attempting to Break your Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

What Makes Life So Unfair?

Do bad things always happen to you?  Are you mistreated by everyone?  How come some people seem to always have good things happen to them?  If you want to change lot in life, then read this blog through until the end.  It might hurt, but what I am saying is true. 

The answer to your dilemma is to reframe.  Reframing is about perspective.  You can take the same picture, and highlight different aspects with a new border.  It works the same way in our heads.  If you are stuck and focused on the negative things, then you will have a less than desirable experience. 

The opposite is also true.  If you choose to think about positive things, then you will more than likely have a good experience.  Have you ever heard the old saying, “Life is what you make it.”  Or how about, “If life gives you lemons make lemonade.” 

Experience of a Friend

I recently went on a camping trip with with a large group, and my friend Mike Bernard was there.  One morning everyone found their own area and had a quiet time with God in nature.  Some of us did different things.  Mike tried to read, but quickly found himself observing nature. 

He related the story like this.  “I was sitting down and taking in the scene.  I asked God to speak to me through his second book of revelation (nature).  I started noticing the dead leaves and sticks on the path ahead of me.  As I followed the path with my eyes, I saw a stump in the middle of the path and like many parents would have, I thought, ‘Someone could trip over that and get hurt.’  Next I noticed the gnats flying around my head and agitating me.”

He continued, “Then it dawned on me, I was missing the beauty of it all.  I began to pay attention to the calm lake at the end of the path, the light shining through the leaves, and listen to the birds sing sweetly in the trees.  Then God reminded me, ‘Life is like this path.  Your experience will be what you choose to focus on.’”

The Bottom Line

Guess what.  Everybody has bad things happen to them.  Do not believe the lie that life should be fair for everybody because it isn’t.

If you want to change your life, you need to change your perspective.  I challenge you to reframe your view.  If you happen to be having a bad run and find yourself wallowing in pity—stop.  Take a moment and look for the good that can be seen in your experience.  If you cannot think of a good thing, ask a close friend or family member to help.  You have to choose to see things differently.  Break your Nature of viewing nature in a negative light, so that you can change your outlook on life. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer. To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Four Lessons About Questions from Satan and God

Questions are powerful.  To illustrate this point, let’s take a look at the Christian Bible.  We will be examining Genesis chapter three where it talks about Adam and Eve deciding to disobey God.  There are a series of five questions, one by a Satan possessed serpent and four from God.

Satan’s Question

The serpent asked Eve, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’” (Genesis 3:1)?  This begins their conversation as recorded, but it seems as though we are picking up the discussion in the middle.  Never the less, Eve is set up for the insertion of doubt.  The subtle serpent follows up his question by calling God a liar.  The serpent’s agenda took over and affected Eve’s choice for negative and lasting lifestyle change.

God’s Questions

Question number one from God to Adam was, “Where are you” (Genesis 3:9)?  Here God is trying to ascertain where Adam is located.  Life Coaches do this in a similar fashion.  They want to know where the client is in their goal to change.

Question number two from God to Adam was, “Who told you that you were naked” (Genesis 3:11)?  So God has heard Adam tell Him where he is, and they both discovered that Adam is naked.  The next logical question is, “How did you become naked?”  The thing is that God already knows the answer.  One purpose of the question is to allow Adam to gain his own insight into evaluating his current predicament. 

Question number three from God to Adam was, “Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat” (Genesis 3:11)?  This a closed question, but Adam does not respond with a simple no or yes.  Although it was his choice, Adam blames God and Eve for his decision, and describes what brought him to his nakedness. 

Question number four from God to Eve was, “What is this that you have done” (Genesis 3:13)?  In marriage coaching fashion, God speaks to the other spouse with what I call a statement question.  Everybody involved knows the answer and the responsible parties have already experienced the consequences.  The benefit here is that it provides accountability by leaving responsiblity with the client. 

The Bottom Line

Questions are powerful and possess the potential for negative and positive lifestyle change.  Questions lead to discussion that sets an agenda, evaluates current position, gives insight, and provides accountability.  Change is not always easy or full of sunshine.  You have to make a choice.  Change or not, it costs. 

All Bible quotes are taken from the English Standard Version (ESV).

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

How to Become a Better Listener

Can You Hear Me Now?  While this cute and furry creature has big ears, their size does not make them a good listener.  Listening is less about your ability to hear sounds, and more about being involved.  Quite frankly, it is something that I am still honing. 

Listening is a total body and environmental experience.  There is great power in this process that has become more difficult because there is so much more stimuli.  Don’t get me wrong, every generation has had its distractions, but I am not sure they were as numerous as they are now.  So let’s take a look at ways to become better listeners.

Total Body

The best listeners use as many of their senses as possible.  I used my sense of smell to know what was causing my son to cry when he was unable to talk.  Did he need a diaper change?  I use my sense of hearing to pick up not only on words, but also on tone, pitch, or stability.  These can clue in on the emotions that are attached to the words.  Touch can also tell what emotions the person is feeling.  Are their hands sweaty or cold?  Are they tense or relaxed?  Watching their body language with my eyes can also be an indicator of what the person is trying to communicate. 

The great thing is that many of these we pick up without cognitively registering them.  On the flip side of the coin, we often do not pay enough attention to the correct stimulus.  This is where the environment can come into play. 

Environment

The environment that is being communicated in plays a large role in the listening process.  The conversation that takes place in our head is the result of distractions.  Distractions are almost always there, but we have to learn to minimize them, and practice mental self-control.

Consider the accessibility we now possess through phones and computers.  Have you ever been talking with someone while texting someone else?  Are you really giving that person an honest ear?  What about a Skype conversation while you have been checking your email at the same time?  Who has your attention? 

Here is another example.  Think about how sometimes someone will be talking and you zone in on one word.  The next thing you know, your mind is in a totally different place with no hope of recalling the rest of what they said. 

Conclusion

Listening is about being fully there.  Great listeners can be present in the moment without allowing other things to interrupt.  It takes great discipline and requires empathy.  Great listeners can change the outcome of conversation.  The bottom line—open your senses, control your environment, Break your deaf Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Two Lessons from Amazing Ants—DON’T FORGET TO WATCH THE VIDEO!

Are you burdened with a heavy load of change that you believe is impossible?  Maybe you want to overcome an addiction or lose some weight.  If this is the case, I would like you to consider one insect—the ant.  The ant can teach us two lessons that I would like us to consider in light of adopting lasting lifestyle change. 

Diligence

First, let’s define diligence.  Dictionary.com says that diligence is the constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken.  I must confess that although I am writing this blog, I too could implement this more into my life.  But let’s take a closer look at an ant’s diligence. 

Ants take A LOT of short breaks.  On average, worker ants nap about 250 times per day, but the naps last just over one minute.  This equates to about four and half hours of sleep per day.  I think that when adopting lifestyle change this could help prevent burn out.  In other words, don’t stress out over the minutes you take a break, but make sure you keep the goal in front of you so you do not linger into laziness.  Another point worth mentioning here for the extremists—you need more than four hours of sleep.  Make sure you get your seven and half to nine hours of sleep if possible. 

Interdependence

Interdependence is a fancy word for having balanced relationships.  You are not dependent in the sense that you cannot function as an individual, but you are also not the lone ranger who claims sole independence.  You recognize that you need others, but you also do your part as an individual. 

The cool thing about ants here is that they move an estimated 50 tons of soil per year in one square mile.  Do you think that one ant could do that alone?  Nope.  They need help—and lots of it.  In the same way, when you want to make a move in life, you need to get some help.  Do not be afraid to reach out to those who will support you in your change.  Make this circle as big as possible.  Just like the ant though, you still have to do your own lifting. 

The Bottom Line

Ants are great testimonies to the power of what can be accomplished when you are diligent and interdependent.  Take some time right now for 10 or 15 minutes and evaluate your commitment to change in these areas.  Are your breaks too long?  What will you do to help shorten those breaks?  Do you have a circle of support to help you change?  If not, write those names down and decide what you will talk to them about today.  What do you need from them?  Dig like an ant and Break your Nature.  Watch this video to see what one colony of ants accomplished!  Amazing! 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

How to Enjoy Change--the Successes and Failures

Contentment is a key to enjoying the lifestyle changes you are making.  I want you be okay, and even rejoice in change—the successes and failures.  It is easy to be content in the good times, but much more difficult for most people in the bad times.  Before we move along though, I want to talk about what contentment is and is not.

Contentment and Complacency
A good picture of this is found in the letter from Paul to the Philippians.  In the close of the letter, he tells the Philippians that he has “learned in whatever situation [he is in] to be content” (Philippians 4:11b, ESV).  To counterbalance the laid back, laissez faire, complacent individuals (I myself was one), I want to point out something else in the same letter.  In chapter three verses twelve thru fourteen, Paul uses the phrases “press on to make it my own,” and “press on toward the goal” (ESV).

My point here is that contentment includes progress toward a goal, while also being okay with the circumstances you have been given. 

The Secret to Contentment

The other noteworthy statement from Paul is his statement about the secret to contentment.  He says, “I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12b-13, ESV).  So the secret is strength from Christ, but how does that happen?  I believe it is a mindset that is given from God.

For one to be content, they must see that whether it is suffering or ease, pain or pleasure—that they all come from the hand of God (Romans 8:28).  Let me explain.

You may be thinking, “Suffering from God?  What kind of loving God would do that?”  This all depends on how you view love.  Love is a full word.  For example, I am affectionate with my son and this is an expression of my love for him.  On the other hand, I also discipline him when necessary.  I am sure that he would call the affection pleasure and the discipline pain.  Both of these come from a loving father that desires his best.

I can remember when my dad would discipline me—I did not see it as love then.  As a matter of fact, I can remember saying that I would never do that to my kids.  Although I did not understand then, with the passing of time and the turning of tables, I now see why my dad allowed suffering to enter my life.  It is the same with God.  We may not know why he allowed one of our children to die at a young age, or even why someone gets cancer, but in the end things often become clearer. 

The End of the Matter

So here’s the bottom line.  A person who is content has received it as a gift from God, has the understanding that all life circumstances come from a loving Heavenly Father, and is moving forward in progress.  I can imagine that Paul often meditated on the life of Christ, especially the last week, and often felt that his suffering paled in comparison.  I encourage you to be content, enjoy the change, and Break your Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey