How to Become a Better Listener

Can You Hear Me Now?  While this cute and furry creature has big ears, their size does not make them a good listener.  Listening is less about your ability to hear sounds, and more about being involved.  Quite frankly, it is something that I am still honing. 

Listening is a total body and environmental experience.  There is great power in this process that has become more difficult because there is so much more stimuli.  Don’t get me wrong, every generation has had its distractions, but I am not sure they were as numerous as they are now.  So let’s take a look at ways to become better listeners.

Total Body

The best listeners use as many of their senses as possible.  I used my sense of smell to know what was causing my son to cry when he was unable to talk.  Did he need a diaper change?  I use my sense of hearing to pick up not only on words, but also on tone, pitch, or stability.  These can clue in on the emotions that are attached to the words.  Touch can also tell what emotions the person is feeling.  Are their hands sweaty or cold?  Are they tense or relaxed?  Watching their body language with my eyes can also be an indicator of what the person is trying to communicate. 

The great thing is that many of these we pick up without cognitively registering them.  On the flip side of the coin, we often do not pay enough attention to the correct stimulus.  This is where the environment can come into play. 

Environment

The environment that is being communicated in plays a large role in the listening process.  The conversation that takes place in our head is the result of distractions.  Distractions are almost always there, but we have to learn to minimize them, and practice mental self-control.

Consider the accessibility we now possess through phones and computers.  Have you ever been talking with someone while texting someone else?  Are you really giving that person an honest ear?  What about a Skype conversation while you have been checking your email at the same time?  Who has your attention? 

Here is another example.  Think about how sometimes someone will be talking and you zone in on one word.  The next thing you know, your mind is in a totally different place with no hope of recalling the rest of what they said. 

Conclusion

Listening is about being fully there.  Great listeners can be present in the moment without allowing other things to interrupt.  It takes great discipline and requires empathy.  Great listeners can change the outcome of conversation.  The bottom line—open your senses, control your environment, Break your deaf Nature.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey