Almost ten years ago I discovered the secret to winning at
conflict. I have been practicing this
for some time now, and every time I use it I win! The problem is that I don’t always use
it. Keep reading.
There is a wrong way and a right way to fight. I like to focus on the right way, because I
have learned that what we focus on is what we act out. Every winner of conflict has eight characteristics.
First off, they have Pure
Motives. They desire to see a
biblical solution to the problem. This
person is generous and other’s focused.
Their inward thoughts are neutral.
This shows their willingness to Seek Peace. Their desire is
not to win, but to look for common ground yet without compromise. As a matter of fact, they will not compromise
principle, but willingly yield if they are the offender.
Even if they happen to be right, they remain Soft-spoken. This does not
mean they fail to talk above a whisper or make eye contact. Quite the contrary. They are confident yet unassuming. Their countenance bears the marks of quiet
wisdom. In humble dignity they
stand.
This makes them Approachable. The atmosphere is palpable and emboldens
the contrary party to speak their peace.
In tenderness each heart is prepared to admit their fault.
If the successful fighter is the offended party, they are Quick to Forgive. It is not in them to hold a grudge. In unwavering faithfulness and personal
consideration, they issue the pardon when repentance is evidenced. The wrong is forgotten to never be spoken of
again.
Their abundant mercy is confirmation of their Character. They possess love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, and self-control.
Everyone who comes into contact with them leaves to tell of their
uncanny experience.
They are Unbiased. Impartially they listen to the other
person’s plight first. It is unthinkable
for them to be bribed or settle and surrender their integrity.
With Sincerity they
genuinely desire a resolution that does not breech the unspoken laws of
righteousness. Even if they have much to
lose, they will not be hindered in their course to follow through in the work
of restoration.
Wow. What a person. It reminds me of Jesus. As a matter of fact, it was His brother James
that penned these principles. I imagine
that there were many times growing up with the Savior, that he witnessed this
in action. James is probably the most
fortunate of all the Bible writers. It
seems as though He would have been able to spend much more time with
Jesus. A copy of these principles can be
found in James 3:17.
So what does this mean for lasting lifestyle change?
Here it is. If you are
stressed, depressed, or just plain discouraged, maybe it is because you are not
lining up with these principles of conflict.
A clear mind and a happy heart is the most capable of making
change. I suggest you Break your Nature
and change the way you fight. Fight to
win even it means losing—every time!
Nick
Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.
To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching
session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our
website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey
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