Four Signs that You May Not Doing Enough

Just as I have been a victim to overwhelming myself by not knowing when to say no, I have also suffered from the opposite pitfall, under-committing and saying no too often.  It is not always easy to find the right balance and there are many other indicators, but these were the top four that came to my mind. 

You Can’t Feed Your Family

While there may be other reasons for you not being able to feed your family, it could be due to inactivity.  King Solomon said that, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty” (Proverbs 14:23, ESV).  If you’re not eating then start working.  Money doesn’t buy food, work does. 

Avoiding Common Work

Most self-made people who are successful have started at the bottom and done what I call the common work.  They have cleaned the toilets, filed paperwork, or dusted the office.  If you find yourself pawning off all the little jobs, then you may be guilty of not doing enough. 

No Progress

People who are not doing enough do not make progress in life.  They are not people of action.  They aren’t getting pay increases, good grades, or acknowledgements.  These should not be the sole motivators but they can be a good measuring stick of your activity level. 

People Are Talking

On the other hand, you could be getting a lot of acknowledgement—just in a bad way.  If people are talking about your work ethic, or you are getting snippy answers that you sense an underlying meaning to, then you may not be doing enough. 

While not totally unrelated but slightly off topic, the Bible is very clear about what happens to people who are not diligent.  People who are greedy, lazy, idle, dreamers, or sleep-lovers, will suddenly and unexpectedly be poor, poorly dressed, hungry, and they will not sleep well (Proverbs 6:9-11; 10:4-5; 14:23; 23:21; Ecclesiastes 5:10-12).

I can’t say that these are surefire ways to tell if you should increase your workload, but I can say they are possible indicators.  Chances are that if you think you need to step it up a notch or two, then it wouldn’t hurt to do so.  By the way, if you want to Break your Nature, then you will have to become a person of action.  Talk is cheap. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

Three Principles to Help You Make Better Decisions

I can remember being in a church study session one time, and the discussion was about serving in the church.  The statement was made to an overcommitted person, “Actually, maybe God is asking someone else to step up and fill the position.” 

In my church organization, we have nominating committees every one or two years depending on the church.  My personal pet peeve is individuals who get nominations for five or six positions, which I fully support as this allows them to choose, but often the people would accept all of the positions with no balk from the other committee members. 

What usually follows next are resignation letters six months down the road, or positions that simply have a name attached to them with no action.  As a matter of fact, I was one of those over committed people.  I would feel overwhelmed with all of the positions and not do any of them well.

I hope to help you prevent becoming over-committed with three practical guidelines.  These principles are from a sermon by Mark Finley.  I wish I could share the entire thing with you here, but I will only select a few principles.  Please feel free to contact me for the sermon link and notes I took.

Know the Difference between Impulse and Impression

I found this enlightening.  Impulse is flighty and must act now, whereas impressions will constantly grow and cannot be shaken.  The caveat here though is that not all impressions are guided by biblical principles.  That’s the reason it is imperative to weigh your decisions in light of the Bible. 

Seek Counselors

This too has saved me…at least when I took heed to the advice given.  The counselors should be mature Christian’s that are not trying to make the decision for you.  Additionally, you need to guard against seeking counselors who are only going to tell you what you want to hear. 

Guard Against Impulsiveness

The number one way to guard against impulsiveness is to never make decisions in the presence of the one who wants you to make the decision.  I cannot tell you how often this has helped me to work within my calling, and not fall prey to the pressures of other people’s emergencies.  On the flip side of this coin though, you will never know if it is your will or God’s will until you are willing to give up the thing you most cherish.

What does all of this have to do with Breaking your Nature?  Well, if you are overwhelmed, over-worked, or just plain empty, then you need to make a change in how you are making decisions for what you will spend your time doing.  Next week’s post will bring some balance to the subject of being over-committed.

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

The Mystery of 613 Commitments

If you are familiar with Jewish culture, then you may not be mystified.  If you are mystified that's okay.  The Jews had a list of laws in addition to the Bible.  There were 613 laws, or what I like to call “commitments.”  These commitments were a burden.  If you ask me, life can get cluttered pretty quickly, especially when you are trying to make lifestyle changes.

If you remember, I spoke in my blog post about my core values, and I mentioned that part of being simple for me was about de-cluttering. 

I de-cluttered my belongings, time thieves, and spiritual commitments.  This helped me to free my mind for change.  Let’s look at each one of these areas. 

My Belongings

There is one thing that my dad often said, and it has stuck with me over the years.  He would say, “The more you make, the more it takes.”  We were talking about money, but in reality the principle applies to anything.  For instance, the more stuff you collect, the more it takes to keep it all organized or running.  My wife and I have moved quite a bit over the past few years, and we always purge.

It is a little sad but so freeing!  I have learned not to toss everything though, as there are some “commitments” worth keeping.

Time Thieves

One of the best things that my wife and I ever did was dump our television and video games.  They steal so much time.  I find that being productive is much more relaxing and rewarding versus the alternative.  Don’t get me wrong, there can be some beneficial things on television, but the majority is time wasting. 

Another way I de-clutter time thieves is by limiting how often I visit Facebook and email.  A click and scroll here stifles productivity and before you know it, you’re sucked in to idleness.

Spiritual Commitments

Not all commitments are bad.  Like I said, some are worth keeping around.  On the other hand this one can be a special trap.  From church positions, church functions, study groups, and the list goes on, life can get cluttered here.  Not to mention if you are trying to keep track of all the changes you need to make personally. 

At one time I was in three or four major positions at church, giving Bible studies, and in church every time the doors were open.  I was not performing at any of my positions with excellence, and my family life was suffering.  Something had to go.  I have learned some neat ways to prevent over-cluttering, and I will share those in my next blog post. 

The problem in lifestyle change is that you can become so cluttered with stuff, events, and positions that you are totally unable to put forth the energy required to succeed.  I would like to encourage you to simplify your life and consider the areas where you could de-clutter.  Then focus in on a few things and do them with excellence.  Also, a good dose of serving others is very energizing and revealing.  After you have incorporated those into your life, then move forward with the next attempt to Break your Nature. 

By the way, feel free to share some areas that you de-clutter, or areas that you need to de-clutter?

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

The Secret of How to Fight--and Win Every Time!

Almost ten years ago I discovered the secret to winning at conflict.  I have been practicing this for some time now, and every time I use it I win!  The problem is that I don’t always use it.  Keep reading.   

There is a wrong way and a right way to fight.  I like to focus on the right way, because I have learned that what we focus on is what we act out.  Every winner of conflict has eight characteristics. 

First off, they have Pure Motives.  They desire to see a biblical solution to the problem.  This person is generous and other’s focused.  Their inward thoughts are neutral. 

This shows their willingness to Seek Peace.  Their desire is not to win, but to look for common ground yet without compromise.  As a matter of fact, they will not compromise principle, but willingly yield if they are the offender. 

Even if they happen to be right, they remain Soft-spoken.  This does not mean they fail to talk above a whisper or make eye contact.  Quite the contrary.  They are confident yet unassuming.  Their countenance bears the marks of quiet wisdom.  In humble dignity they stand. 

This makes them Approachable.  The atmosphere is palpable and emboldens the contrary party to speak their peace.  In tenderness each heart is prepared to admit their fault.

If the successful fighter is the offended party, they are Quick to Forgive.  It is not in them to hold a grudge.  In unwavering faithfulness and personal consideration, they issue the pardon when repentance is evidenced.  The wrong is forgotten to never be spoken of again.

Their abundant mercy is confirmation of their Character.  They possess love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control.  Everyone who comes into contact with them leaves to tell of their uncanny experience.

They are Unbiased.  Impartially they listen to the other person’s plight first.  It is unthinkable for them to be bribed or settle and surrender their integrity. 

With Sincerity they genuinely desire a resolution that does not breech the unspoken laws of righteousness.  Even if they have much to lose, they will not be hindered in their course to follow through in the work of restoration. 

Wow.  What a person.  It reminds me of Jesus.  As a matter of fact, it was His brother James that penned these principles.  I imagine that there were many times growing up with the Savior, that he witnessed this in action.  James is probably the most fortunate of all the Bible writers.  It seems as though He would have been able to spend much more time with Jesus.  A copy of these principles can be found in James 3:17. 

So what does this mean for lasting lifestyle change?

Here it is.  If you are stressed, depressed, or just plain discouraged, maybe it is because you are not lining up with these principles of conflict.  A clear mind and a happy heart is the most capable of making change.  I suggest you Break your Nature and change the way you fight.  Fight to win even it means losing—every time!

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

A Personal Post: 3 Things that are Important to Me

Before we go any further, I want to be up front.  While these are three of my core values, I don’t always incorporate them into my life.  For example…well I’ll just save the explanations for below. 

Balance

Balance has become more important for me over the past two or three years.  I have learned to compensate in this area by asking my wife for advice, and putting solid mentors around me who are older and well…balanced. 

I’ll give you an example of what I mean by balanced.

Sometimes people can let school, work, or even church (all good things) come before their family.  For some people all four are necessary.  The struggle is to find the sweet spot where all areas are met with excellence and at the right time. 

Recently, while trying to juggle all of these areas, I developed a mantra that helped me to keep things in perspective.  It was, People before projects.  Again, this is not an easy, but the reality of it is this, people are more important than the things we do. 

Simplicity

Simplicity is something that I came across my senior year in high school.  I have always been somewhat of an idealist.  I remember reading about Henry David Thoreau and thinking, “That’s it!  I’ll runaway to my own Walden!”  While this is still a great idea, I found that I would only be living with a new set of problems.

The principle was right, but the practice was wrong.  I wanted a more simple life devoid of all the stimulation, evil, and conflict.  The funny thing is that now I have a deep appreciation for conflict.  More on that in the next blog post. 

Back to simplicity. It has been my experience that de-cluttering is cardinal.  I de-clutter my belongings, time thieves, and spiritual commitments.  This helps me to free my mind for change.

Consistency

Consistency is closely related to balance.  Let me explain.  Have you ever tried to balance on your weak leg?  Finding the sweet spot was balance, but how long you were able to hold that was consistency. 

The great thing is this.  If you practice balancing on your weak leg a lot, then the amount of time you can hold that position becomes greater.  The point is that in striving for balance your consistency will typically increase. 

Now that you know a little about me, I would like to hear what values are important to you.  Please comment in the boxes below. 

Wrapping it Up

How does this relate to lasting lifestyle change?  Simple.  People who compromise their values are miserable.  Sometimes, this misery drives people to change.  I encourage you to identify your values, set goals and make a plan to achieve them.  If you need help, that is what I am here for.  Use my contact info below and we will see if Life Coaching is a good fit for you.  Break your Nature!

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey

3 Lessons from Flying in an Airplane

My family and I are taking a vacation this week.  We are traveling from the West Coast back home to the East Coast.  I thought I would interrupt my writing schedule with some fresh insights about life that I learned while flying with Southwest Airlines. 

Lesson Number One

Every time I get on an airplane I cannot help but mentally prepare for the worst.  I imagine what I would do if the plane was hijacked.  I take my military training and run through different scenarios.  I could go into details here but I will spare you.  Also, as we taxi down the runway and I watch the wings bounce, I cannot help but imagine them as very brittle and under a lot of stress.  What would it look like if one just fell off in flight?  I am calm, but I often sense the fragility of life.  That’s just it.  Lesson number one is that life is fragile. 

Lesson Number Two

As we were flying, we experienced some turbulent air.  It was not too bad, just a little bumpy.  This reminds me of life.  Sometime the wind gets taken out from under your wings or it kicks up a notch or two and causes some vibrations.  This can be a scary experience.  If you brace yourself and ride through it, the wind will settle.  This is lesson number two.  Life gets bumpy for everybody, just ride it out and reach your destination.

Lesson Number Three

Nobody wants this but if you fly enough, you will experience a delayed flight.  We were delayed in Chicago, Illinois for about an hour.  This is not a big deal for me, but for some people it is.  Sometimes the plane needs some work done on it.  To me it is better to wait around than to get on a plan that will crash.  People who become frantic have been trained by our have it now society.  We as a culture do not know how to wait anymore.  Here is the lesson—expect delays in life and make the best use of your down time.

The Bottom Line

If you put it all together, you get something like this.  Life is fragile and it gets bumpy.  Ride out the bumps to your destination and expect delays.  When you do get delayed, make the best use of your down time.  It takes time to get from where you are to where you want to be.  Take a flight and Break your Nature.

How to Offer Accountability Without the Pain

One thing that I learned in my Life Coach training at Life Breakthrough Academy, is that it is better to ask for permission than for forgiveness.  This is true, and especially so when you aim to hold others accountable.  There is one caveat though.

My Experience at Job Corps

As a Residential Advisor at Job Corps, I learned that a contract is only as binding as the heart of the individual who signed it.  They may sign the contract, but if they cannot read, do not understand it, or have no intentions of abiding by the agreement, then any effort on the part of the enforcer will be useless. 

If one desires true obedience, the hearts must be bound together. 

Any obedience that lacks the element of the heart is only temporary.

My Personal Struggle

Under the tutelage of my lovely mother, I learned to be bluntly honest.  My mom does not mince her words, and she always took pride in speaking the truth.  Along with this, I inherited by genetics and training my father’s lack of emotion.  I find it difficult to empathize as much as I would like to.  If you combine these two character traits, I can sometimes seem harsh and cold. 

I pray for God to morph these two character traits and use them for his glory.  In the right way, my honesty can be used to provide guidance.  Also, my lack of emotion can deescalate a situation and maintain peace in conflict.  John Ives, a friend of quite some time back, made a statement about tact that I will never forget.  He said, “You need to give the shot of medicine, and make it as painless as possible.”  In other words, people need to be rebuked and hear the truth at times, but it needs to be with discretion and as painless as possible.  This does not mean that it won’t hurt.

One way to reduce pain is to ask for permission to administer the shot.   

So in holding others accountable, it is important to receive their permission to offer the rebuke. 

The Bottom Line

In perspective, accountability is not as painful as anticipated.  The lack of clear guidance is more painful in the long run.  Although, it definitely helps when you are the enforcer, to have the hearts of your partners and ask their permission to hold them accountable. 

Nick Massey is a Life Coach, Speaker, and Writer.  To read more from Nick Massey, or to schedule him for a Life Coaching session, or book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at http://www.coachmassey.com. © 2014 Nick Massey